Beginning Again

Today's Writing Quota (What I Plan to Do): 1000

Friday’s Quota (What I did): 700

Today's Writer’s Quote: What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure. ~ Samuel Johnson

Today's thoughts: 

Yikes! I just realized that I need to start my novel all over – I have been struggling with editing chapters 4 and 5 and realized the book started in the wrong place. I am feeling good about the theme, characters, and basic plot of the story though – now I just need to fix the pacing and kiss my March 1st deadline good-bye. Maybe I should schedule time for a workshop.

Back to Business

Today's Writing Quota (What I Plan to Do): 1000

Yesterday’s Quota (What I did): 1114

Today's Writer’s Quote: “Write without pay until somebody offers to pay” Mark Twain

Today's Thoughts:

I am finding the hardest thing about being a writer is developing a schedule for writing and sticking to it. I think I miss having to be to work by a certain time, knowing what daily tasks I needed to get done while being able to interact with people and collaborate. It seemed I was able to accomplish so much in a day. Now, although I am getting a lot of things done, it doesn’t have an effect on others. No one would be upset or affected negatively if I don’t work. I mean let's face it, working on a novel doesn’t impact a single life but my own. When I am done working, I concentrate on school, which means I am spending time again not impacting a single soul but my own. I think this is why I can be distracted when my family calls. They need something – I am eager to help.

               But even with the distractions, I am meeting my writing goals. I can write in the morning, in the evening, in the middle of the night, I have no set time to “be in the office” so I can work anytime in a 24 hour period. Maybe my ability to meet my goals with all the distractions means I need to up the ante on those goals. Or I need to be less willing to reset the goals. I allowed myself time off for mourning and then spent a week getting back on track with school and home and set low writing goals to  pace myself and allow enough time to do good work. Then, just as I was ready to take off again and set the bar high, Phil and I awoke to a phone call at 5:30, which meant we were about to receive bad news - what other kind of news comes at that time of the morning?  

               Our eldest had been in a one vehicle accident. (The road was an ice rink in -18⁰ weather conditions). He was fine. His truck was not. I spent two days helping him get back on track, working with adjustors, getting him to work and home again. I didn’t mind the distraction, I was too grateful that he was okay and needed nothing more than a visit to Alison, an amazing muscle activation therapist. (Tangent: I highly recommend muscle activation therapy MAT to keep the human body pain free and working properly). Anyway, the distraction was not unwelcomed, looking at the condition of his truck – well, I don’t even want to go there.

               Maybe, instead of worrying that meeting my writing goals is a bad thing I need to expand them. Now that I am back working full steam, I realize I haven’t blogged in over a month on this site and almost two weeks on my other site and I need to include my blogs in my writing goals. I think as a writer, I really should develop a good blogging habit.

               Anyway, soon, I will be done with the novel, done with classes, graduated, and I will be back in the swing of things with a “real” job, working with people, collaborating, meeting numerous deadlines, and longing for time to write.

Miracles

Today's Happiness Quota: 8 – fun, productive weekend – always makes it easy to enjoy life!
Today's Happiness Quote: by Albert Einstein “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle”
Today's thoughts: I am humbled and blessed that my life is the result of so many miracles. I came across a list of miracles that I started some time ago, probably the result of some journal suggestion, and it was certainly a pleasant find. So often I discover that the power of journal writing is two fold. Initially it helps clear the chaos that runs through your mind on any given day and then later it offers prospective, on life, on memories, on processes, and it helps to remember that everything becomes a memory and fades in time, the good and the bad. Which means it helps to cherish the good while you can and endure the bad when necessary.

A Little Bummed

Blue Hour: – missed it – slept in ignored the alarm clock and the three phone calls, didn’t realize how tired I was until I crawled out of bed after 9am – almost 10am.

Today's Happiness Quota: on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the highest I’m about a 7. I never feel great after sleeping in only after going to bed early and waking up early. I am also a little down because I missed my writing target yesterday. However, because I exceeded the goal the two days before I only need to write an extra 1600 words and I’ll be on track again so there is hope.

Today's Happiness Quote: by Buddha - All that we are is the result of what we have thought. If a man speaks or acts with an evil thought, pain follows him. If a man speaks or acts with a pure thought, happiness follows him, like a shadow that never leaves him.

Today's thoughts and how they relate to my life as a writer: Yesterday I blogged for the first time in a long time, then I ran around from one appointment after the other and did a couple of hours of research (not for the book for work) and bam – I missed my writing quota. I am bummed. But, there are plenty of days left in the month, as long as I over exceed my goal today and (if not by a full 1600 words today then) tomorrow too, I could be on track by Monday….maybe I should wait to blog until after I complete my writing goal, I am after all using my writing energies for this endeavor too.

Blogging Time

Blue Hour - Spectacular - I figured out that I should try blogging immediately after admiring the wonder of rising sun.

Today's Happiness Quota: High – I have a busy day. I get to see a couple of wonderful friends. I’ve had a great productive week. And, I am getting my hair done today – yep it’s going to be a good day

Today's Happiness Quote: by Robert Anthony - Most people would rather be certain they're miserable, than risk being happy

Today's thoughts and how they relate to my life as a writer: I am feeling hopeful about the novel. The first draft is coming together nicely. The characters, which have been developing in the deep recesses of my consciousness for over a month now (some for much longer than that) are beginning to enter the stage. I wonder how much of the 15000 words I have completed so far will remain in the second, third, or fourth draft. But, wait, now is not the time to figure that out. I know that. I accept that. I accept that the most important thing I can do is get the first draft done so I can print it out and get to the second draft. Then I will repeat the process and get to the third draft and so on and so on until I can finally say, I’ve reached the final draft. I will never have a final draft if I never have a first “ugly” draft. So I will find some time today in the midst of running from one meeting to another to type away!

How do others know that I am a writer? If I don't look like a writer.

Today's Happiness Quota: High - wrote this morning well exceeding my daily goal. Life is so good in so many ways and writing just makes it even better.

Today's Happiness Quote: by Aristotle - To live happily is an inward power of the soul.

Today's thoughts and how they relate to my life as a writer: Today's date October 2, 2010 made me think about mirror images and how they are just different enough to matter. Actually it was the process of writing the date numerically that made me think. Sometimes the physical being I take care of, my body and my appearance, tells others that the mental and emotional being I am is sure, confident, and feeling great. Sometimes, though when I look in the mirror I can tell my mental and emotional self is not matching up with my physical appearance and vice-a-verse.

It's true I may be able to hide my issues from some people some of the time, but I know I don't do it all the time. If however I take care of myself mentally and emotionally the same way I take care of my physical appearance and physical body then those images would be less skewed from one another.

This is true of being a writer. If I feel and think like a writer and believe in my whole being that I am a writer, what am I producing in the physical world so others see me for what I really am?

A writer writes plain and simple. Using technology like blogs and twitter makes it possible for writers to demonstrate that they are writers with or without "being published" or having a fabulous book deal. As the saying goes, "If you do what you love, the money will follow" so if I simply just do what I love someday the publishing thing and book deal thing will happen.

Writing goal: complete book draft 70,000-75,000 words by December 31, 2010
Word count to date: 7981

Productivity - great for creativity

"If people are in a good mood on a given day, they’re more likely to have creative ideas that day, as well as the next day, even if we take into account their mood that next day.

There seems to be a cognitive process that gets set up when people are feeling good that leads to more flexible, fluent, and original thinking, and there’s actually a carryover, an incubation effect, to the next day."

More: http://bit.ly/cCQBqV

Farewell to the friend and mentor I never had the opportunity to meet

For years I have kept a John Wooden quote near and dear to my heart. Although I have never met the famous coach - I am forever grateful that I came across his life changing advice - never let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.

My thoughts go out to his family and friends. As do my condolences that I let a busy week interfere with posting my simple, brief thoughts - the irony of life goes on.

I am inspired.

Met with Robin Morgan today for a conversation with DUs Women's Coalition. She was a key figure in the 1960's civil rights and anti-war movement. A former editor of Ms. Magazine. A founder of contemporary US Feminism.

Meeting her to discuss the current experience of women; what still needs to be; how we can get it done - was like walking into history.

She once said, "If I had to characterize one quality as the genius of feminist thought, culture, and action, it would be the connectivity."

Connect with a woman you know if you want to see real change occur in your life. Two women set on making change can accomplish great things. Imagine what a room full of women can do.

I am inspired.

Writing to Heal and De-Stress

I took a class in my master's program called Writing and Healing. The list of required text included - Writing as a Way of Healing: How Telling Our Stories Transforms Our Lives by Louise DeSalvo. I highly recommend it. Some of the other students in the class thought she spent much too much time on her own depression, but it didn't bother me and I'm not a depressed person, she was just sharing her reality with the reader.

Priceless Burden

Priceless Burden was written for a class assignment on mind mapping. The assignment take a random object - mind map it and create a poem about the object without using the object name.

Priceless Burden

Plastic,
way of the world.
Priceless.
Never leave home
Without it.

Without it,
Never leave home.

Freedom False
Indebted Burden
Interest
Interest
Interest
Compounded
By interests
Outside my means

Those who don’t need
Get
Those who need
Get screwed

Trickle
Trickling
System
Working poor
Working hard
Working for nothing
But false security
False hope for “0” balance
False pride

Truth, Rip-off
Rip-off charges
Rip-off fees
Rip-off plastic numbers
Identifying me

So easy to use

Way of world

Priceless

Never leave home
Without it.

Without it,
Never leave home.

Ah ha moment revisited

In May of 2006, I wrote a bit entitled "Ah Ha Moment" about accepting that my values were above worrying about the extra 10-20 pounds I was carrying around with me. Well, I am still carrying the extra weight. This might be seen as a failure to some, but to me, I realize that I may have kept the weight, but I also finished a bachelor's degree, started on a new career path, engaged myself in my new work, started a Master's degree program, finished raising my sons - who are both independent strong men, and maintained a twenty-year happy marriage.

I can either focus on all the things I've done right - or I can beat myself up for still carrying around the 10 pounds.

What if it was reversed, what if I was still longing to have a degree, still longing to find a career or even a job I loved, still looking for work that was engaging, still believing that a Master's degree was not in my future, still worrying about my son's futures and my son's in general, or wishing I had a good marriage or was floundering looking for love and fulfillment outside my marriage - But I was 10 pounds lighter?

Not a good trade.

I'll take the blessings and keep the 10-20 pounds thank you.

On second thought, instead, I will also remind myself that if I can accomplish all the things I have accomplished through hard work determination and a belief in myself and my abilities, then I can certainly manage to exercise, eat right, and drink plenty of water. Which would enable me to get rid of the extra weight I carry.

Let this be my declaration, I am done. I refuse to carry any more weight, baggage, and abuse than is absolutely necessary. I am 5'4" tall and am small in stature. That means I should be about 135 pounds but I'd be satisfied at 145 pounds.

As long as I don't have to give up any of my other blessings...

Blogging Lesson

Today, before leaving my desk for lunch, I grabbed a book off my bookshelf at work so I would have something to read while I ate. I picked Deepak Chopra's the Seven Spiritual Laws of Success. I only read a couple of pages but at one point I read something that I wanted to blog about - I didn't have a notepad or pen with me and figured I would jot down my idea once I returned to my desk.

Never happened.

I returned to my desk and disappeared into my work.

Now, at the end of the day, my wonderful insight is no longer an insight...it will have to shine its light on me another day.

And I'm sure it would have been life changing!

Oh well, change will have to wait for another day.

Broken China

I am a firm believer in burning decorative candles and using your good china as often as possible; that means for everyday occasions not just on holidays. This morning, after savoring a couple of cups of coffee, I decided to load the dishwasher. By the time added the china cup that I had been using for my morning dose of caffeine to the mix, my hands were soapy and wet and the cup flew out of my hand. After colliding with a low-ball glass stained with almond milk the handle shattered in three pieces. My first reaction - I cursed. I believe the word began with an F.

The expletive summoned my husband of 20 years to the room. The moment he saw what happened I heard him growl. The growl began as the word "No" but then rumbled into the deep guttural sound of frustration and disappointment.

I gave him the only response I could. I said "I know" while doing my best to match his primeval snarl.

The china, a gift for our two decade long anniversary, complimented my mother’s china and my grandmother’s china perfectly. On special occasions I mix and match the three patterns for a stunning effect that would make Martha Stewart proud.

As I dug the handle pieces out of the back of the dishwasher I heard my husband conclude, “This sucks but it is only china.”

Serendipitously, we had had an earlier conversation of the value of things verses the value of the people in our lives.

“I enjoyed it while I had it,” I added attempting to calm my own feelings of despair.

I finished the kitchen and returned to a pile of papers I was sorting while keeping up on my Facebook page. I came across a post from a friend poetically sharing her feelings about her grandmother’s death this week. The post said she was happy she had the memories of her grandmother and I was instantly reminded that I don’t cherish my grandmother’s china or my mother’s because they are complete sets (which they aren’t) but because when I use them I am reminded of the strong women who came before me.

Women who honored family and time spent with family and friends and who were afraid to use the dishes they loved so much. I immediately poured myself another cup of coffee in one of the three remaining glasses of my own set that one day will be handed down to my son’s wives (when they have wives).

I hope my future daughter's enjoy them.
I hope they use them – slippery hands and all.

How cool is this!

I am getting better with this online networking and living - I Facebook and I've become pretty good at it. I am staying in touch with people I care about while getting to know new people.

I have a few more networking pages such as linkedin google etc. I have even tweeted a few times.

Then I remember Blogger, signed in and wham - I'm looking at things I wrote in 2006! I am so glad this is still here.

Someday

I just listened to a song,

Your song on the radio.

You said you hoped that I would live life like I was dying.

Someday.

Someday I would like to live that way.

Someday.

Someday I could stop being afraid of failing

Someday I could stop wasting my time with all my “should do”s

Someday, if I was living life like I was dying

I would just do what it is that I want to do.

I could be a writer, writing.

I could be a painter, painting.

I could be a musician, playing.

I could be a dancer, dancing.

I could be a teacher, teaching.

I could be a student, learning.

I could be a spouse, loving.

I could be a parent, caring.

I could be a body, feeling.

I could be a spirit, hoping.

But for now, most of the time

I am a writer, yearning to write.

I am a painter, yearning to paint.

I am a musician, yearning to play.

I am a dancer, yearning to dance.

I am a teacher, yearning to teach.

I am a student, yearning to learn.

I am a spouse, criticizing.

I am a parent, scolding.

I am a body, judging.

I am a spiriting, crying.

Someday, I too hope I live life like I am dying.

Maybe, then, I could forgive.

Maybe, then, I could live.

Jackknifed

When my alarm went off this morning at 6 am I was tempted to hit the snooze button and stay in bed for awhile. Luckily before falling asleep last night I pulled back my sleep-friendly drapes that block out the sun. With the heavy material out of the way, the sun was beginning to brighten up the room. In the light I remembered that I was out of coffee.

I quickly pulled on a pair of summer sweats, combed my hair, brushed my teeth and headed for the store, because there is nothing worse than starting out the week, sleeping in, rushing to get your day going only to discover you are out of your much need fuel.

As I was dressing, I remembered a few other items I needed from the store, so walking was out of the question. Buying heavy items or a lot of items is always a good excuse when you live in the burbs to fire up that gas-guzzling SUV and drive ten blocks.

I rounded the corner that gets me out of my cul-de-sac riddled neighborhood and onto the main street and discovered a bus, the kind with the according belly, stuck in the road. Apparently, the driver of this monstrosity had attempted a U-turn and jackknifed the front wheel up against the curb.

This is not a sight a person gets to witness everyday and I knew there was a lesson in it some where. Could it be that sometimes in life you have to bite the bullet and call your boss or your mom or your spouse and admit to doing something incredibly stupid?

As I worked my way safely around the wounded vehicle, I could see the driver on the phone. His body language, head in hand, chin on chest, said it all. No matter how much this driver did not want to confess his mistake, he was never getting out of this mess without help and he knew it.

Perhaps the lesson was just that. On my way back from the store however several patrol cars for the local Sherriff’s department were on hand to help direct the light neighborhood traffic that had to maneuver around the bus. Still no tow truck in sight, but plenty of neighbors and uniformed officers were out talking, smiling, and enjoying the morning sun.

The driver waited in bus. Alone. Mortified, I’m sure. My heart went out to him. Nevertheless, when a mistake is made public a person has to accept the fact the people are going to discuss it, enjoy any humor that can be found in it, and maybe even buy you a cup of coffee to comfort you while you answer the question…so how did this happen?

Another lesson I gather from this is understanding that when you discover you must make a quick U-Turn on life’s journey, be sure you are maneuvering yourself in a way that does not jackknife you completely and cause you to stall, neither returning to where you were or allowing you to go forward to where you’ll be.

I’m so glad I needed coffee this morning. You never know when life will present you with something you don’t see everyday and a chance to review a life lesson or two at someone else’s expense.

Are Goals Instant Gratification or Journeys?

We live in a society that expects instant results for very little effort. We set up goals as if they are mountains to climb then we take a few steps and expect to see large valleys below us even though we are barely off the ground. When I was working with clients, I could sense their agitation that things weren't happening fast enough and I sensed it in myself when it came to some of my goals, like exercising. Then I realized how senseless it is to expect to see change when starting out on any journey.

When I take a trip I don't get in my car and drive 5 miles and expect to get to my destination if I know my destination is 125 miles away. I just drive until I get there. In fact, when I begin driving I don't have any expectation of seeing any sign of my destination point at all. The only expectation I have is that my car will continue to run until I get there. And, I don't try to find my destination, the address I am looking for, until I am almost there.

In other words, until I am near my destination, AKA: my goal, I have no expectation of seeing any signs or indications that it is near.

However once, I am close to my destination, then and only then do I expect to see signs...

Obviously, when it comes to achieving the goal of arriving at a particular address by a particular time on a particular day, this use of "unexpectation" or realistic expectation is easy to maneuver.
Couldn't I use this well proven method to go after all my goals?
Couldn't I prepare for the trip, check the address, check my map, start my engine and start driving? And couldn't I continue driving while I expect nothing...

Of course I could!

What if you thought of your goals as mountains in the distance instead of mountains to climb and every time you took action you took a step toward the mountain, not up the mountain, maybe you'd realize that each step you take daily meant you were closer to the mountain, but not anywhere near climbing it...yet!

Take out a piece of paper, draw a mountain on one side, now draw a long curly road to get to the mountain, mark the end of the road with an X and write you are here...then begin the journey....how will you know when you've reached the base of the mountain? You'll know, because you will see the signs.

May you find joy getting to the mountains of your dreams.

Blessings,
Julie Cordova

Ah-ah Moment!

This afternoon I was preparing for my class tonight by reading the assigned pages from the text. I loved the book immediately (Standing at the Crossroads, Next Steps for High-Achieving Women, by Marian Ruderman and Patricia Ohlott) anyway I was reading the assignment and decided to do a writing challenge from the book. Even though the writing challenge was not part of class work and I was running short on time, it seemed like something worth trying, so I did, and I discovered that my top 5 values (at least at this time in my life) are Wisdom, Autonomy, Self-Respect, Integrity, and Love. All this is good information to know, but creating this list wasn't as interesting as what I discovered to be low on the list...

One of the values I held in least regards was Physical Fitness. Not that Physical Fitness is something I don't value, its just that I value the other 30 or so things more and Physical Fitness just kept getting pushed further and further down list. So where does this leave me?

Well, I've been overwhelmed with feelings of shame and guilt because I haven't been able to motivate myself to exercise this year. I'm 10 pounds heavier than I was last year after taking a year break from my usual work-out routine so it was important to me, or so I thought, to get back on the treadmill and start working out again. But, since I don't value Physical Fitness as much as I do Personal Development, Competency, Inner Harmony, Helping Family, Spirituality...and so on and so on...what do I have to feel guilty about?

When my life changes to the point that Phyisical Fitness is once again high on the list of things I value, then I will begin dieting and exercising, until then I will concentrate on Health (for me this means, nutrition and walking, not power walking or exerting myself, just walking) instead which is on my list...at number 17 (nothing to obsess about but high enough to focus on regularly) and I won't worry about burning off a measly 10 pounds for one more moment! My god, with all that is going on in the world - is 10 pounds really worth worrying about? I don't think so!

Cool Links

For my family and friends who try to understand what exactly it is I do as the parent of a homeschooler who is unschooled.

http://www.unschooling.com/

http://homeschooling.gomilpitas.com/methods/Unschooling.htm

Enjoy!