Someday

I just listened to a song,

Your song on the radio.

You said you hoped that I would live life like I was dying.

Someday.

Someday I would like to live that way.

Someday.

Someday I could stop being afraid of failing

Someday I could stop wasting my time with all my “should do”s

Someday, if I was living life like I was dying

I would just do what it is that I want to do.

I could be a writer, writing.

I could be a painter, painting.

I could be a musician, playing.

I could be a dancer, dancing.

I could be a teacher, teaching.

I could be a student, learning.

I could be a spouse, loving.

I could be a parent, caring.

I could be a body, feeling.

I could be a spirit, hoping.

But for now, most of the time

I am a writer, yearning to write.

I am a painter, yearning to paint.

I am a musician, yearning to play.

I am a dancer, yearning to dance.

I am a teacher, yearning to teach.

I am a student, yearning to learn.

I am a spouse, criticizing.

I am a parent, scolding.

I am a body, judging.

I am a spiriting, crying.

Someday, I too hope I live life like I am dying.

Maybe, then, I could forgive.

Maybe, then, I could live.

Jackknifed

When my alarm went off this morning at 6 am I was tempted to hit the snooze button and stay in bed for awhile. Luckily before falling asleep last night I pulled back my sleep-friendly drapes that block out the sun. With the heavy material out of the way, the sun was beginning to brighten up the room. In the light I remembered that I was out of coffee.

I quickly pulled on a pair of summer sweats, combed my hair, brushed my teeth and headed for the store, because there is nothing worse than starting out the week, sleeping in, rushing to get your day going only to discover you are out of your much need fuel.

As I was dressing, I remembered a few other items I needed from the store, so walking was out of the question. Buying heavy items or a lot of items is always a good excuse when you live in the burbs to fire up that gas-guzzling SUV and drive ten blocks.

I rounded the corner that gets me out of my cul-de-sac riddled neighborhood and onto the main street and discovered a bus, the kind with the according belly, stuck in the road. Apparently, the driver of this monstrosity had attempted a U-turn and jackknifed the front wheel up against the curb.

This is not a sight a person gets to witness everyday and I knew there was a lesson in it some where. Could it be that sometimes in life you have to bite the bullet and call your boss or your mom or your spouse and admit to doing something incredibly stupid?

As I worked my way safely around the wounded vehicle, I could see the driver on the phone. His body language, head in hand, chin on chest, said it all. No matter how much this driver did not want to confess his mistake, he was never getting out of this mess without help and he knew it.

Perhaps the lesson was just that. On my way back from the store however several patrol cars for the local Sherriff’s department were on hand to help direct the light neighborhood traffic that had to maneuver around the bus. Still no tow truck in sight, but plenty of neighbors and uniformed officers were out talking, smiling, and enjoying the morning sun.

The driver waited in bus. Alone. Mortified, I’m sure. My heart went out to him. Nevertheless, when a mistake is made public a person has to accept the fact the people are going to discuss it, enjoy any humor that can be found in it, and maybe even buy you a cup of coffee to comfort you while you answer the question…so how did this happen?

Another lesson I gather from this is understanding that when you discover you must make a quick U-Turn on life’s journey, be sure you are maneuvering yourself in a way that does not jackknife you completely and cause you to stall, neither returning to where you were or allowing you to go forward to where you’ll be.

I’m so glad I needed coffee this morning. You never know when life will present you with something you don’t see everyday and a chance to review a life lesson or two at someone else’s expense.

Are Goals Instant Gratification or Journeys?

We live in a society that expects instant results for very little effort. We set up goals as if they are mountains to climb then we take a few steps and expect to see large valleys below us even though we are barely off the ground. When I was working with clients, I could sense their agitation that things weren't happening fast enough and I sensed it in myself when it came to some of my goals, like exercising. Then I realized how senseless it is to expect to see change when starting out on any journey.

When I take a trip I don't get in my car and drive 5 miles and expect to get to my destination if I know my destination is 125 miles away. I just drive until I get there. In fact, when I begin driving I don't have any expectation of seeing any sign of my destination point at all. The only expectation I have is that my car will continue to run until I get there. And, I don't try to find my destination, the address I am looking for, until I am almost there.

In other words, until I am near my destination, AKA: my goal, I have no expectation of seeing any signs or indications that it is near.

However once, I am close to my destination, then and only then do I expect to see signs...

Obviously, when it comes to achieving the goal of arriving at a particular address by a particular time on a particular day, this use of "unexpectation" or realistic expectation is easy to maneuver.
Couldn't I use this well proven method to go after all my goals?
Couldn't I prepare for the trip, check the address, check my map, start my engine and start driving? And couldn't I continue driving while I expect nothing...

Of course I could!

What if you thought of your goals as mountains in the distance instead of mountains to climb and every time you took action you took a step toward the mountain, not up the mountain, maybe you'd realize that each step you take daily meant you were closer to the mountain, but not anywhere near climbing it...yet!

Take out a piece of paper, draw a mountain on one side, now draw a long curly road to get to the mountain, mark the end of the road with an X and write you are here...then begin the journey....how will you know when you've reached the base of the mountain? You'll know, because you will see the signs.

May you find joy getting to the mountains of your dreams.

Blessings,
Julie Cordova

Ah-ah Moment!

This afternoon I was preparing for my class tonight by reading the assigned pages from the text. I loved the book immediately (Standing at the Crossroads, Next Steps for High-Achieving Women, by Marian Ruderman and Patricia Ohlott) anyway I was reading the assignment and decided to do a writing challenge from the book. Even though the writing challenge was not part of class work and I was running short on time, it seemed like something worth trying, so I did, and I discovered that my top 5 values (at least at this time in my life) are Wisdom, Autonomy, Self-Respect, Integrity, and Love. All this is good information to know, but creating this list wasn't as interesting as what I discovered to be low on the list...

One of the values I held in least regards was Physical Fitness. Not that Physical Fitness is something I don't value, its just that I value the other 30 or so things more and Physical Fitness just kept getting pushed further and further down list. So where does this leave me?

Well, I've been overwhelmed with feelings of shame and guilt because I haven't been able to motivate myself to exercise this year. I'm 10 pounds heavier than I was last year after taking a year break from my usual work-out routine so it was important to me, or so I thought, to get back on the treadmill and start working out again. But, since I don't value Physical Fitness as much as I do Personal Development, Competency, Inner Harmony, Helping Family, Spirituality...and so on and so on...what do I have to feel guilty about?

When my life changes to the point that Phyisical Fitness is once again high on the list of things I value, then I will begin dieting and exercising, until then I will concentrate on Health (for me this means, nutrition and walking, not power walking or exerting myself, just walking) instead which is on my list...at number 17 (nothing to obsess about but high enough to focus on regularly) and I won't worry about burning off a measly 10 pounds for one more moment! My god, with all that is going on in the world - is 10 pounds really worth worrying about? I don't think so!

Cool Links

For my family and friends who try to understand what exactly it is I do as the parent of a homeschooler who is unschooled.

http://www.unschooling.com/

http://homeschooling.gomilpitas.com/methods/Unschooling.htm

Enjoy!

Processes Lesson 2

A friend of mine recently turned me on to a tape series, Ask & It Is Given, which I found to be extremely insightful and beneficial even though its foundation is a bit too extreme for my liking. If you know the series you'll know what I mean. Anyway, the same friend and I have decided to utilitize the 22 processes offered in the series, we began last week with Process #1 - and practiced spending at least 17 seconds practicing the law of attraction as often as possible throughout the day.

17 seconds doesn't sound like much, but it is surprising how hard it can be to remain focused on one thought for that time without allowing another thought to sneak in.

This week we are setting up our magical creation boxes.

I've done similar exercises before and have to say - they work wonders.

The key suggestion for this particular exercise is to make sure that I am in a good emotional state when I am putting together the box or adding items to it.

I look forward to blogging my manifestations as they enter my life...okay really...I am looking forward to my wants, desires, and joys manifesting.

Taxes, taxes, taxes

Although I have had my taxes finished for some time, I still haven't put them in the mail - this is a true example of my "deadline" focused personality.

Until a thing is due, I don't worry about.

I suppose I should learn to capitalize on this personality trait and create a true deadline for all the goals I create for myself.

85°

85°!!!

It's going to be 85 today - is that for real? Yoo Hoo! Time to get some sun. No painting today after all, why stay cooped up inside painting the walls when I can take advantage of the sunny warm day instead.

The count down is on...April 22-28 is National Turn off TV week and I'm already looking forward to it. I mean, I am the first to admit that I am an addict. I am a tvholic. If it's on, I watch it. Once I take in that first show of the day, I can't stop watching, and before I know it a whole evening is blown.

I play the addicts game, I bargain. I tell myself I won't turn the thing on until a certain time at night and most of the time I make it, but somedays I slip.

It really depends on stress, a hard day will certainly mean I hit the button early.

The good thing is I don't live with other addicts, so on good days when it isn't on, no one freaks out and because they know I am an addict they do their best to not turn it on early in the day.

Except on weekends, weekends are always the hardest...that's when I really have to fight for control...that's when the binging happens.

Music and Moods

Yesterday was a good day, I accomplished a lot, had a great family dinner with plenty of conversation ranging from the politcal, the spritual, and the everyday - my how my boys have grown, they are really becoming strong independent thinkers.

I awoke to the blaring sound of Bruce Springsteen my hubby's chosen workout partner for the morning. I came down for coffee and was happily greeted by an inviting home, unlike yesterday, and that was an added bonus to a good-morning feeling. I read the paper with my first cup. The headlines should have been enough to depress me; poverty increasing, babysitter charged with murder of 5 month-old, rapper gunned down but Bruce helped keep me feeling up.

Now with the paper read, Bruce is done, and I am ready to take on the day...a day of homework, home work, and homeschooling...now I just have to figure out who will be my musical muse for the day. I'll start with some Wallflowers, some Donna De Lory perhaps, the soundtrack to Rent, Aretha would be good...

Morning Coffee Blues

When I was running a business I used to tell clients that our homes are a reflection of what is happening to us internally...it is an outward display of how we are feeling and what we are thinking - this morning as I came down the stairs and looked at my home, the one I didn't tend to last night, the one I've been neglecting slightly and I asked myself what does my home say about me? What word, if any sums up, how I am feeling and or what I am thinking?

Confused. Perhaps confused would be a good word, I have three rooms in various stages of painting, homeschooling supplies (books, musical intraments, notepads, highlighters, pens...etc.) half hazardly strewn and piled about and supplies purchased on yesterday's errands still waiting to be put away...how hard would it have been to put them away? How hard would it have been to straighten up after yesterday's studies? Why didn't I just do it then?

I've always loved walking into a fresh clean kitchen in the morning to make my coffee...but this morning I was greeted with a sink full of dirty pots and pans, crumbing counters, and groceries that weren't put away. What is wrong with me?

Directionless...is that a better word?

Unmotivated...

mmm...unmotivated...

Yep, that's it, that is what my home says about me...I am unmotivated. What reason did I have to finish putting away my supplies and groceries yesterday? What reason did I have to put away the school supplies? I used to be motivated to do a lot of things...I used to exercise, I used to work, I used to have book club meetings, success team meetings, parties...I used to...

So, now the question for me...what can I do to get motivated?

Entering a New Path to A Flat World

Hello fellow Bloggers from DU's Women's College Intro to Computing Class...I look forward to our journey as we explore our ever widening flat world.